Blogher ’11: Its Not You, its Not Me, but I will Shank the First Mommy Who Blames a Man.

by Juice on August 7, 2011

Post image for Blogher ’11: Its Not You, its Not Me, but I will Shank the First Mommy Who Blames a Man.

Ok, let’s just get this out of the way. I don’t want to write this, I can’t imagine why anyone would read this, but if I just pretend it didn’t happen, I might make the same mistake in the future. Or worse, you might make my mistake when I could have warned you.  This is also the longest blog I have ever posted here, so even if you dive in, you’ve been warned. To help, I have decided to bullet point the highlights so you can skip the faulking manifesto diatribe if you desire. Also, let me just warn anyone new that this post is not representative of this site, not all that entertaining, and I encourage you to skip back to previous posts and ignore this one entirely. And yes I am counting on the fact that Google Analytics tells me my Sunday readership is less than 10 visitors.

So for those of you unfortunate enough to have stumbled here, please know that I don’t use LA Juice to gripe about my life and I will always make a concerted effort to keep my personal problems off these pages.

Unless and until I need one of your kidneys or a piece of your liver. Then I am going to work you and your sympathy like a burnt out tranny hooker on the corner of Santa Monica and Highland.

BULLET POINT SYNOPSIS: Blogher ’11

  • Don’t ever use the phrase “Mommy Bloggers” not even as a joke.
  • Women like Tempurpedic pillows, Philosophy hair products and Dr. Scholl’s- but not as much as they like their sex toys.
  • Don’t EVER buy Hunt’s ketchup.
  • There are still women out there who spend too much energy whining about how hard it is to juggle their lives and how men don’t do shit.
  • I am well aware that in writing this blog I am potentially alienating a bazillion people, but I knew I was not amongst my own kind when my mockery of the Lady Gaga Flash Mob was met with derisive glares and cold silence at the lunch table.
  • The Mommy Blogging Advertising Industry is a behemoth.
  • The rest of us are not really welcome and barely tolerated.
  • Coolest Swag? The WaterPik SinusSense,  The Tempurpedic pillow and Yahoo’s Style Guide.
  • Most Blatantly Pandering Sponsor? Proctor & Gamble.
  • Most ill-conceived, creepy and aggressive Marketing Campaign?  “Say No to Green” by the Bill my Parents company. And this says  quite a bit given the gigantic PringlesMan that walked around creeping me out.
  • Even a hundred years after high school graduation, wandering around the cafeteria with your lunch tray by yourself is one of the worst experiences you must suffer in life. Except for accidentally sitting at what appears to be an empty table, but is actually saved for a group of bloggers who do not want anything to do with you. Especially the Mommies. And you cannot make it better by trying too hard or by talking. Especially if you are me.
  • Do I feel qualified to judge this conference even though I barely lasted 6 hours? You bet your ben-wah balls I do.

No its true,  I lasted all of 6 hours at Blogher’11 before I walked out in semi defeat. I say semi because – well, LOOK AT THE SWAG:

Oh gawd, is Scout checking the Sex Swag out?

Closer look at the Stuff they gave away

and this is only representative of the non-mommy/child gifts. I had another bag of mommy-kid stuff I gave to my sister, niece and nephew. SWAG heaven. Seriously.

Will I ever learn my lesson?

Maybe I should just know by now, these sort of gatherings are not for me. Maybe next year those of you I don’t alienate by writing this post can remind me of my defeat before I consider heading out to one more “writing” convention of any sort without Dr. Gonzo’s briefcase.

Blogher 11 was primarily for, influenced mainly by, and overrun by mommies and the women who love them. But you knew that already didn’t you?

If I had bothered to read between the lines, or even just interpret the stats, I would have known too: 36 of 84 Expo vendors catered exclusively to and were there to talk to “Mommy Bloggers” (and another 10-15 only pretended not to be focused on mommies); 23 of 60 conference sessions were directed at Mommy Bloggers, and if the two non-mommy oriented sessions I walked out of were representative, the Mommy Bloggers took over then non-mommy sessions anyway.

Oh yea I said it – the faulking elephant in the room- “Mommy Bloggers”. Probably not incredibly wise that I also used the words “elephant” and “mommy” in the same sentence, but my bridges were ablaze before I even found my lighter.

The only rule of the Mommy Bloggers Club

Is that if you aren’t a mommy and a blogger, you are not welcome.

Also, don’t call us “Mommy Bloggers” you barren, selfish bitch.

I wish I could say I feel contrition for my flagrant foul, but since I pretty much already alienated half of the people I actually met and liked at this conference-

OF COURSE Your girl Juice inadvertently insulted nearly every Mommy Blogger she met and a couple of the Two-mommy Bloggers as well. May as well own it.

And I guess I should caveat here that I have good friends who are both mommies and bloggers, and some of who even write about being a mommy. But guess what? They are clever interesting educated women too. They write well, are funny as shit, they do not define themselves by their “momminess”, nor do they use their mommy status like a weapon. So I had no idea this other world of mommies who blog existed.

Geebus, enough with the disclaimers already Juice. Strap on a set will ya?

Fine. I was overwhelmed by the exclusionary attitudes of the Mommy Bloggers at Blogher11, annoyed by the dominant whining, and totally disappointed that while many of these women latently defined themselves by their momminess, god help the pathetic single- and probably barren- of us who got in their way, or used the phrase “Mommy Blogger”.

I guess its like a nationality. You can’t talk about Dumb Blondes unless you are one yourself.

I should also say that I would love to be a mom, and if my sister’s crazy non-stop life as a single mom is a good example (and it is), I get it.  Its mind bogglingly challenging.  Its just that I had no idea that there was a whole world stuck in 1994 still complaining that supermoms have it hard and men suck.

And yet it was clear, that as far as others at Blogher 11 were concerned, I just don’t know how hard it is to make it on the Prairie, so I should just shut the fuck up or get out.

The Sprout Booth

You can tell the Blogher ’11 organizers know they are caught in the middle. They exhibited signs of trying to include and address those attendees amongst us who have nothing to do with the Mommy World, but it’s a rough row to hoe. Even sponsors who should be neutral, including those with gigantic EXPO presence -P&G- make it clear in their focus and swag offerings that they are there to tap into the marketing money making machine that is the Mommy Blogger.

And with that I bring you my first story: The Sprout Booth. Sprout is a company catering to kids and mommies. I don’t know what they really do, I just know that when I walked by, they were empty and desperate to talk to anyone. They made the judgment call that I was a Mommy. Probably because my dress and my ass made it look like I was about 4 months preggers.

The Sprout Girl launched a pitch to lure me over. Because I have a niece and nephew and Sprout was giving away fun looking ninja star crayons- I bit. The ruse was simple. They want Mommy Bloggers to review their products on their Mommy Blogs. Trouble is, as the girl handed me two of everything, once she asked what my blog was about, she FAULKING RECOILED IN HORROR.

I shit you not. And then she asked “Are you a mommy?”

Yes she said “Mommy”. So I said “yes, I have three little ones. Well, one is not so little, She’s 18 already- a geriatric. And my 10 year old is diabetic. The 4 year old is a holy terror- when we adopted him the agency dropped him off at my door only saying “This one is gonna need a lot of love”.

Oh don’t start with me, she deserved it. Consider my restraint in that I didn’t also rub my belly and use the phrase “bun in the oven”.

“Dropped him off?” she asked.

“And we know nothing about his background, genetics or anything.”

She grew suspicious.

“What are your children’s names?”

“I don’t have kids, unless you count the goat. Although we usually don’t.  I was talking about my cats.”

She furtively glanced at my arms cradling all the kiddie swag she had just bestowed upon me, then gave me the most judgmental look ever.

“Oh” as icily as a New York City maitre’d. With that she abruptly walked away from me.

And I’d love to tell you this was a unique occurrence, but … with the exception of Chucky Cheese (who had awesome, fun, interesting people working their booth) non-mommies were basically pariah to the family based exhibitors/sponsors.

Swagivus for the Rest of Us: Sex Toys, Tempurpedic Pillows, Dr. Scholls and Wine Glasses.

NB: Links in this section are NSFW!

Luckily there were ample and impressive non-family oriented exhibitors. My favorites were Yahoo Contributor Network, Tempurpedic, and Eggland’s best. So bravo to Blogher 11 for trying to accommodate the barren and incomplete.

And let me tell you- the one exhibitor who knows what these women want? “EdenFantasys” (never mind the spelling, that is the company name, I see it too and its driving me nuts). The EdenFantasys booth continually maintained a line 20-40 women deep and had to schedule regularly timed runners (every 15 minutes) to cart (as in “used multiple dollies”) boxes of swag to the booth. EdenFantasys was – BY FAR- the hit of the Expo.

EdenFantasys gave away sex toy swag (NSFW link). And they know that women cannot get enough of their double headed vibrators. I can’t tell you the number of times I heard a women walk away from the table peering happily into her swag bag and verbosely planning an evening alone in her hotel room.

Of course I got a bag, but of course I found a way to piss people off in the execution. By cutting in line. Not on purpose. Accidentally, while I was on reconnaissance.:  I had to know what I was getting into before I wasted all my time.

See, several sponsors offer a variety of swag according to a tiered system:

1.”GPS” or General Public Swag: Some item that anyone could have just by reaching into the bowl.

2. “Twitter Swag”: Where you have to tweet about the product to get the item.

3. Ultra special super happy funtime Swag:  Where you have to interact, sign up and engage with the vendor, suffer the sales pitch, or humiliate yourself to get the goods.

I was sure that people had to engage in Third Tier interaction with the EdenFantasys vendor before they just handed over sex toys. (WAIT this link is NSFW!!!!)  I didn’t want to wait in line and then suffer a sales pitch (or worse) just for a vibrator- not even for the comic relief of it all.  So I headed to the front of the table, ostensibly to take a photo of the burgeoning line, but really to listen in and find out the catch. It turned out that did you not have to do anything other than add yourself to their mailing list. Wow. And naturally,  because it was kind of a chaotic scene,  they thought I was at the front of the line and gave me my bag. It was merely first time in the day I pissed off an entire group of bloggers.

My Swag bag had TWO sex toys: including that “couples toy“  (WAIT this link is NSFW!!!!)  that my sister and I initially and horrifyingly thought was for heterosexual use. My sister likened it to a sex taser and even uttered the phrase “Don’t Tase me Ho”. We were terrified by the item until we deduced that it must be for lesbian couples. EdenFantasys gave me single sex couple toys. Great. I can’t even bring these things into our house without scarring Lance for life. So I hid one in my sister’s medicine cabinet for her boyfriend to find, and the other I left in my car.

I will say this about EdenFantasys, at least they weren’t judgmental. They may have made an assumption about my sexual preferences, but at least they didn’t treat me badly because I was not a Mommy.

The Grande Finale:

Your mother was a hamster, but your father is a useless, dumbassed, un-potty trained mutt,

according to the Huffington Post Panel.

Sure its sounds like I am complaining, but most of the mommy “myopathy “amused me until the Friday Afternoon Session. I am certain I would not have abruptly walked out of the conference but for the Huffington Post Panel session.

I was really looking forward to hearing a panel of wildly successful women, lead by a senior editor of The Huffington Post, talk about their careers in blogging.  6 women, 4 of which have incredible resumes: One worked with Oprah, several published authors, television journalists, successful magazine editor.

Was I supposed to expect that a session called “Success on your own terms” was code for “Men suck and my life is soo hard. Wah faulking Wah, poor me”?

Not 10 minutes into the session and the esteemed panel, encouraged by a significant and vocal portion of the audience, launch into a whiny bitch fest, where husbands are less trainable than puppies, life is hard when you are trying to do it all, no one understands how hard it is to be a Mommy.

In other words, Bitches will shank you if you bring Hunts Ketchup home. Shank you with a Ninja Star Shaped Crayon.

I’ve heard about these women. The ones that perpetuate their alleged misery by expending enormous energy crying and commiserating about how horrible and hard their lives are- but I had so far successfully avoided them. Until Blogher’11.

And the male bashing. One panel member continually referred to her husband as a dog. Ladies, let me tell you- caveating “he’s an untrained puppy” with “But I love him, he’s wonderful”  does not absolve your sin.

Another told us the most boring story about how unfucking forgivable it is for your husband to bring Hunts, rather than Heinz, Ketchup home. And a fair portion of the crowd nodded in wry bemusement, they understood the plight of ketchup lady.

Then members of the audience got started.

I could not and do not understand how these successful women could sit up there and not only encourage a bitch fest but lead the charge. To be fair, not all of the panelists engaged in this behavior. But they didn’t try to turn the conversation from that myopic, negative, useless path either.

Here we had people at our disposal who have massive success in professional arenas we all want to be a part of and instead of intellectual discussion or helpful advice, the panelists spend their time calling their husbands names caveated by “oh this is gonna get me in trouble”.

Its been a long time since I have felt this alienated from my own gender, so thanks Blogher ’11 for put me smack back in the middle of all that bullshit.

And it wasn’t even cleverly offered. Rather than tell me your husband is an untrained Labrador who can’t wag his tail without peeing on your shoes, it would have been more honest to have cut his penis off, taken it to a taxidermist and had it fashioned into a unicorn horn that you could have worn as a hat for us while piggy blew the conch shell.

Further sadness: this final straw for me was destined to alienate the single sex couple that had befriended me. Sadly, I had gone to the session with a new friend and her life partner, only to find them practically whooping it up every time someone said something negative about men. Even more irritating, the life partner actually followed up a moment of male bashing by hypocritically lamenting “why do we always end up talking about men at these things?”

I Make my Escape before the Ketchup Inquisition Begins

Rather than stare at her like she was nuts, I just realized I was done and needed to get the faulk out of there. I wasn’t alone. Younger girls all began to shift in their chairs and ignore the panel, many people began to tune the entire fiasco out, furiously typing on their smartphones. Judging by the eye roll I exchanged with the adorable 20 something graphic designer across the table, she was as fed up as me by the turn of these events.

(p.s.: I am not naming the women who stood up in the face of hypocrisy, because a lot of women associated with Blogher would totally to take exception to my opinions here, if they were to ever read them and well, that it might invite unwelcome attention to the other unhappy attendees.)

The very quiet travel blogger who sat to the right of me said it best:  “Why can’t we all just have an intellectual discussion?”

And our heroine, a member of the audience who identified herself as a reporter from the New York Times, chastised the panel by bravely and boldly calling them out on the male bashing, reminded them that some in the audience were men and by politely asking if we could to turn the conversation back to something else, oh say like to the profession of BLOGGING. Even more impressive because, she is actually a blogger who writes about Parenting. She restored my faith.

But you should have seen the offending panel members turned on her,  like a pack of  hyenas, choosing to interpret her call to arms as a full frontal attack. We then were subjected to backpedaling and tired explanations, paraphrased as follows “OF COURSE we did not in ANY WAY mean to insult men or our own canine husbands, but- come on,  we all know men are what they are, and we stand by our advice that for supreme happiness and marital bliss you must treat your men like unpotty trained 4 year olds.”

The barely contained indignation with which the offending/ed panelists responded to New York Times reporter was delightfully absurd in its hypocrisy, as the one with the Labrador for a husband had previously admonished us to “stop judging each other and start helping each other”.

Steeled by the obvious majority opinion, my same sex couple friends became more vocal in their male bashing which I find ironic since as far as I know, lesbians don’t usually have untrained Labradors responsible for buying ketchup in their households.

The overwhelming life perspective rallied and bandied about in this session was and is aberrant to me and I guarantee its not helpful to anyone in audience. In fact, I think it’s a guaranteed defeat for any woman who buys into that shit. And I further guarantee the truly successful panelists on that platform didn’t get anywhere in life by espousing the “man hating, woe is me life is so hard for a mommy” waste of time attitude that they so clearly encouraged in that session.

And so, I could not take anymore, I got up mid-session and I walked out.  I wasn’t alone.

In sum, my experience at Blogher11: comes down to this: a significant and imposing component of the conference is clique-y, myopic and unapologetic-ally directed to a very narrow but lucrative group of bloggers. I can live with that, its faulking expensive to run these things and sponsors are only gonna spend big bucks if they think something is in it for them.  Mommy Bloggers = Advertising Gold.  I get it, I am pretty much fine with it.

Unfortunately far too many elements of this conference encouraged attitudes that help no one, least of all the women strong arming the rest of us.  The Blogher organization might truly believe it is encouraging and supporting “lifting each other up”, but not as far as I saw.  Maybe its not their fault, and these women don;t actually want to be “lifted up, and have real discussions about success. But I don’t believe its productive to encourage each other to complain, I don’t believe its beneficial to any woman to waste energy bashing men. I definitely don’t believe having sex with a Labarador should EVER be encouraged. And I don’t give a shit what ketchup you bring home.

Luckily, there was some effort made to address the non- mommies. I also saw that a tiny contingent of attendees had the strength to rally against the madness, and I can only hope the voices from left of center were heard and that in the future the Blogher powers that be decide whether they want strictly cater to the mommy blogger world, or whether they want to expand and empower all women. If its the former, I encourage them to be more honest about their agenda.

As it stands in 2011, I see some attempts to expand, and I am hopeful. Almost half of the sponsors/vendors that didn’t pander to mommies at all. Of course one of those vendors gave me a double headed vibrator, so I may not have been their demographic either.

Sigh.

Rev. Back It On Up 13 August 7, 2011 at 2:20 PM

Next time you go to one of these things, take me with you. I don’t even know what a Mommy Blog is, but it sounds like the kind of thing I could have a LOT of fun with. I love how you got a reaction when you told the Mommy Blog Vendor what your blog was about. I couldn’t even begin to answer that question if someone asked it of me. I’d just stand there gaping. “About?”

And enjoy your new dildo, Juice. You earned that sucker.
Rev. Back It On Up 13 ‘s most recent masterpiece..Conversations: Frying Up Some ChickenMy Profile

Juice August 7, 2011 at 2:27 PM

If only you had been there with me- I swear we could have torn it up. Next time- it is on. ON!

Aj Michel August 7, 2011 at 5:10 PM

Just stumbled upon your post, and it is FANTASTIC. I’m one of those bitter, barren, non-mommy bloggers, and while I’d love to attend a conference just to collect some of that swag (I *really* need one of those WaterPik Sinus cleaners… it would be like a neti pot on crack!), I wouldn’t last long and probably wind up hating my gender even more.

Juice August 7, 2011 at 11:06 PM

Ahh ha- you know I am almost looking forward to fall allergy season to try that thing out on my sinuses. Thank you so much for letting me know I am not alone on my own little blogging island!

Did the comment luv not work for your post? We’d all like to know what your blog is entitled.

Aj Michel August 8, 2011 at 6:10 AM

Ooops! I write a blog called Syndicate Product, which has nothing to do with syndication, or syndicating product. (“Syndicate Product” was actually the original name of K-Tel Records. For those of you not old enough to remember them, K-Tel collections were the “That’s What I Call Music” albums of the 70s.) It’s a bit in hiatus for now, but I usually write about comics, zines, books, and the like.

Juice August 8, 2011 at 7:28 AM

That is fantastic! I have several I-pod playlists named “70′s k-tel, 80′s k-tel, etc….

ACI August 7, 2011 at 5:17 PM

I had a lot of very philosophical things to say…very Buddhist-like. And then I erased them all cause the truth is “Fuck ‘Em” pretty much sums it up.

Girl, raising children is expensive, which means big bucks for advertisers, which means that of COURSE they want to encourage more mommy bloggers. You? How good are you to them? You don’t buy $200 dollars of diapers a month. It’s all about cash-ola!
And mommy bloghers all bitch to each other and male-bash to validate their own unhappiness. Be willing to bet most of those marriages are on their last legs.

So once again, Fuck Em. You’re loved here, just the way are my friend. And that’s coming from a MOMMY!!!

Juice August 7, 2011 at 9:58 PM

No, that’s coming from an amazing, well rounded, accomplished, smart, gorgeous strong, funny, person who also happens to be a mommy. Lucky kids!

Theresa @rockonmommies August 7, 2011 at 9:05 PM

Sorry you didn’t like the flash mob. We had a ton of fun doing it and made for an amazing day.

Another tip, there are a few moms that will freak out on you if you mention Nestle. Kid you not. Don’t get caught walking around with a Crunch bar.

Juice August 7, 2011 at 11:03 PM

Oh, I’m totally ok with a flash mob- I just can’t stand Lady Gaga! What did Nestle ever do? I must know. I mean they let that crazy Pringles Man just walk around touching people….

ACI August 8, 2011 at 3:18 AM

Still with the Nestle thing? That was going on when I was a kid! Juice, Nestle sold baby formula to third world companies. They advertised that it was as good as breast milk, or better. That’s about as much as I know on the topic, but as a child, I was psychologically damaged by never being allowed a Crunch Bar.

Juice August 8, 2011 at 7:32 AM

Faulkers! I never heard this. Good thing I am gluten free. All I remember is my own government failing to stop the use of DDT and other PBCs in the states… Oh and the PCP- man that shit faulked me up in preschool. Although there really is no better way to truly experience Where the Sidewalk Ends, by Shel Silverstien.

ACI August 8, 2011 at 3:18 AM

Countries, not companies. Sheesh! More coffee!

Maria August 8, 2011 at 9:04 AM

Hi! Thanks for stopping by our EdenFantasys booth! The company’s name is misspelled on purpose, kinda like Flickr ;)

I hope you enjoy your toy! And you’re not the first person to thank us for not assuming you’re a mom blogger, we are for everybody!

-Maria
Maria ‘s most recent masterpiece..Best for the BustyMy Profile

Juice August 8, 2011 at 3:34 PM

Oh Cheers to you girls- you made many women happy this weekend!

Erica August 8, 2011 at 2:52 PM

Vomit. BlogHer, you were brave to even go. I’m a mom and I didn’t even consider it. But I hate swag and I also hate finding someone to eat lunch with. Also, I did not see any alcohol vendors representing so what’s the point.
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Juice August 8, 2011 at 3:43 PM

Erica, You have totally inspired me! Imagine a blogging conference with session inspired by choice of drink? morning session: Mimosas with Social Media Mavens | Lunch Session: Can you keep your wits together during a three Appletini Lunch? | Afternoon Sessions: To nap or to push through, the experts help you decide? or Jello Shots for all or Champagne, its not just for breakfast anymore.

We could call it “Blogherivus for the Rest of Us” and give out stripper poles decorated like Swizzle Stix as Swag. Not because we want stripper poles in our homes (because we don’t) but because that is Festivus Tradition. I would be so good at conference planning. Care to be a Speaker? You can name your own cocktail session.
inspired

KiKi August 8, 2011 at 6:00 PM

You brave, wonderful woman, you.

All I can say is, at least you had the balls. I’m an LA-based WRITER too…and despite having good reason to attend at least one reception, I completely lacked a set to even make the drive. But, I know myself. And I’m certain without a doubt that I would have come home and written 100% the same thing. Yes, a part of me was curious. Yes, a bigger part of me knows that I am wickedly awkward in social situations like that and would have hidden in a corner like a complete faulkball trying to figure out why the hell I made the drive from LA in the first place. My best excuse is…I’m a crazy writer type. And that’s what we do, man. That’s what we do. So, I did the cowardly thing (or is it the “self-aware” thing? I’m not sure) and talked myself out of going. “You’ll be alone” — “you’re not a mommy blogger” — “you’ll be alone” — “lunch will suck.” Hmm, doesn’t sound too much like a strong, smart woman, but…whatev.

Anyway — that’s my wordy way of saying I think you’re brave for doing it, good for you for speaking out honestly about your experience, I’m sorry you didn’t have a better time, and you’re a pretty fabulous writer.

If I knew you, I would have loved to have met up with you — and the other broad above who mentioned alcohol vendors as well — for a great appletini lunch. Sometimes (for the love of god, this sounds so high school) it just takes finding *your* crowd.

Sorry for the long comment. I’m a windbag, yo.
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Juice August 8, 2011 at 11:06 PM

you are a windbag? please. You are exactly who I was hoping existed! Thank you a million times thank you for your comments and sharing your thoughts. I had to write this post- not to bash a significant blogger population (Mommies), but to point out that there are other bloggers out there too! Its amazing to me how hard it is for people to attend these things- even us crazy writer types. I mean we all have great personalities- as our writing clearly depicts- but we freeze up! And its not just people like you and me- the gawd damned Blogess hides in the bathroom with anxiety issues. And yet the PTB at Blogher have failed to make it hospitable for anyone other than its bread and butter. Oh I think they know and are trying, but it very interesting to me that no one else writing about the experience is talking about what I am talking about. There has to be a better mousetrap out there.

Appletini lunches are always a good thing. We should totally meet up soon.

KiKi August 8, 2011 at 11:30 PM

So happy you dig my blowhard way of trying to get a point across…I’m definitely Twitter challenged. I’m shy in person (well…at first and then when I’m comfy, ALL HELL breaks loose_ but completely open and raw and naked not figuratively . Uh — I’ve already had my ambien tonight so,that’s just a disclosure if my sentences start getting all whack. I would think that would could be an appealing feature about certain events is the inclusion of writers, bloggers, and wannabes who like to blog, who are out there, but write about something else all together. I have a kid. A boy I love dearly . I never blog about him, nor do I speak often about my being a mother. I’m PROUD of it. But as a writer, and as a woman, it does not define me. If someone asked me what my niche was – I’d say that I guess for now I focus mostly on memoir writing. However, I am currently looking at mixing it up a bit with observations, bits and pieces here and there…probably not unlike your style. We’ll see. I started the blog as a tool to get to where I really wanted to go. It was a place to get my writings up and out there, while allowed my typing fingers and nutty mind to get relaxed and ready. There HAS to be a better mousetrap. Yes. I’m curious about BlogWorld here in LA early November. Also — I often hear women talk about putting together writing groups together all the time — especially in our area — and I always thought something like that, more intimate, would fit me much better. Ah, crap on crackers, i’m babbling in my comment again….
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Juice August 8, 2011 at 11:14 PM

And I see exactly why you had very good reason to be at Blogher! You clearly deserve to be honored as a Humor Voice of the Year! Congrats on the nod-SERIOUSLY! I hope you at least get all the accolades you deserve. but honestly- you should have been one to go- as long as you could have handled people swarming you, like they did to the other voices of the year. Everyone would have loved you, I promise. Maybe next year, and you can champion our cause?

KiKi August 8, 2011 at 11:44 PM

Let’s see if I can make one more reply without falling flat on my face or putting this through three times like the genius I am. I mean, I’m so embarrassed — Einstein called and he TOTALLY wanted his wig back. The prick. In all seriousness, thank you for the congrats!!! That’s very sweet. Because I’ve been hiding, I haven’t heard too many of those, and I AM proud to have been honored with it. I was just so scared. I recently was part of the Listen to Your Mother cast — and I couldn’t help but feel a bit excluded. Really probably my own insecurities, you know? But it was hard all the same. The pathetic thing is, if ANYONE had called and said, “ohhh you HAVE to come, we’ll miss you! You can hang with us!” I probably could have been swayed. But I truly was afraid of going and being invisible. Writing this it just makes me want to smack myself upside the head. You’re right. I SHOULD have gone. I just wussed out because I had no one to hold my hand. I should have been a stronger woman in the moment. And I was PROUD of that accolade! Next year…maybe. Next year I could champion the cause with a partner in crime by my side. It’s in NYC next year. If we got a group of snarkalicious LA broads to go together — it has serious potential for being fun I think. I just have to warn you. When confortable with my posse and/or if booze is involved…I tend to get wicked snarky. Anything even remotely looking like a line dance will not be safe from my wrath. And I’m afraid I’d have to make inappropriate sock puppet faces on the “special swag” and leave them around in random places around the hotel and city. Take pictures. Very Eleanor Antin. It’s the march of the dildos down broadway…or gathered for a show. I can see it now. Ambien. Sorry. :-P
KiKi ‘s most recent masterpiece..Blaming Duran Duran.My Profile

Juice August 9, 2011 at 6:47 AM

bravo and well played. Snarkalicious Broad- I can absolutely join that club or group or writers group even. There was a point in the Huffington Post panel discussion where the woman with the Labrador husband went all non-sequitor and admonished the crowd for being judgmental. Specifically she didn’t want us to “judge each other anymore”. My first thought was this: Stop judging yourself and you’ll be less apt to worry about anyone else enough to judge them.

Stop judging yourself ladies. God I love the word “Broad”. Like “Chump”. I love the word “Chump”.

Lynn from OrganicMania.com August 17, 2011 at 11:56 AM

Hi there,

Just responded to your comment on my blog post clarifying that I was NOT calling you a whiner. I was using your post as an example of people who called people at that session whiners.

I’ve re-read it several times, I think if you re-read you’ll see that loud and clear, but if you have a suggestion for an edit to make it even more clear, just let me know. Otherwise, are we cool?

So glad you ASKED. I hate it when people make assumptions….and don’t clarify, so thank you, and apologies for any confusion there.

LOVED your post. So glad I found your blog!

Juice August 17, 2011 at 8:20 PM

I could not say this on your blog- but I AM A GIANT ASS. totally not my day today. sigh. I thank you a million times for being so gracious and cool! We are cool as long as you don’t mind befriending a moron! thank you!!!

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