Thanks for indulging my earthquake obsession today! We will resume regular ridiculous broadcasting on Monday, I had a dream I desperately need you all to help me interpret….
So I saved this week’s EQ post for Saturday, because I need to update my earthquake car kit now that I am going to be commuting 60 miles a day, through Watts and Compton.
[Insert “All I need is this ashtray, my dog shithead and this Norinco SKS assault rifle, that’s ALL I NEED” joke here.]
If I believed in guns, I would totally think this was a circumstance in which I should be packing. Especially, after my theft experience and because I just have an inclination leaning toward natural hysteria. But I do not believe in guns. The stylish girl knows they are only tolerable when they look like Unkle Karl’s “Lagerfeld Specials” above.
If someone wants to buy me those shoes, then I’d wear the guns. Please buy me these shoes. Otherwise, I will have to make them on my own. No one wants that. Oh those shoes.. where were we? Yes, guns and earthquake kits….well.
Luckily for us, there are a lot of other things that should go in a car kit. Let’s start by see what mine has in it right now- Flash Earthquake Drill!
The only thing missing is a half melted Snickers bar.
Oh please. As if your glove compartment looks any different. Yes, that is a disposable razor. You never know when a trip to the beach might suddenly present itself. Head, shoulders, pits and puss, keep it clean and slick chica..
Ok, ok. Here is my actual car kit, before I began really working on it:
The “Before”
Yea, you got me. There used to be water and energy bars in it, but I ate them years ago… Except for a fantastic safety kit my wonderful Uncle “Tad Worthington” gave me for Christmas [not pictured], my earthquake car kit is- as you can see- mostly just comprised of car wash materials. Ironic in the Alanis Morrisette sense [i.e.: not at all], because I never wash my car. In my defense ‘tho, I have been riding my bike everywhere for the last 9 months, mostly. And before that, well- I worked 3 miles from home. I can hoof that in 4 inch Lagerfeld Specials, if necessary. Go ahead try me! Call my bluff, I beg you.
But since everything has changed, so too has my priority. Let’s get to getting.
Wait, what happened? Where is the rest of this blog post?
Ha ha- Missy/ Mister, its been moved! Moved into my soon to be available on www.createspace.com and www.amazon.com as part of my first ever book:
Shaken Not Stirred: The Stylish Girl’s Guide to Surviving the Big One
Shake it work chicas- and please buy my book!
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Ummm, yeah, my glove compartment looks a lot different. Way more beer.
don’t you mean empty beer cans?
Let me ask you a question. Why are you always preparing for the Zombie apocalypse?
You are from a place where you need a car kit. You are in a place where you need more like a stun gun, an assault rifle, an automatic (for stop and go traffic), and a self-generated script writer.
Anyway, “head, shoulders, pits and puss” was HILARIOUS :) Reminds me of a dirty kindergarten song. But head? Shoulders? Is that like a shampoo/conditioner/razor/deusch all in one? And btw your glove compartment does not look like other people’s. It is WAY cleaner than mine. WAY.
I cleaned out my mom’s car awhile back and I cannot tell you how many faulking smushed granola bars and bandaids she had in there “just in case.” Just in case what? You need to eat granola bars for a living?
That’s it. I can’t take anymore. When you included Practical Origami, and the fact that you have Practical Origami, and the fact that Practical Origami exists I just peed my pants.
You’re killing me. What kind of a kit do you have for that?
Pish Posh ‘s most recent masterpiece..A is for Awesome
In fact, I was just referring to the kindergarten song “Head, shoulder knees and toes, knees and toes!! Its like we have the SAME BRAIN!!! and now I am singing the song in my head. Are you doing that too?
Oh by the way- I found something as good as Practical Origami to make your BEDAZZLED BARBIE GAS MASK THAT YOU WON IN JANUARY extra special. Everyone is gonna want one, and it puts bedazzled GI Joe with the star spangled pasties – almost to shame. just you wait, someday soon i am gonna finish it!
as for zombie apocolypse, I like taht you think a bikini and a half eaten snicker bar wil get one through a zombie apocolypse.
PS- my glove compartment must look cleaner than others because of a dear friend of mine came to visit during her divorce. Wwhen I took her to WeHo for margaritas with the Boyz, they got her so drunk she projectile vomited into my glove compartment and ventilation system. 4 “detailing” visits to the local car wash later, the car remained smelling like margarita puke for -oh a couple years. but the glove box was clean!
also, food does not last being “stored” in my car. it just doesn’t.
Kudos for knowing Norinco! A Toyota in Every Garage and a Norinco SKS in every gun cabinet, USA! USA!
I note you woefully understock liquor in both your home and away preparedness kits. Frankly I think this is a mistake. What’s the sense of having an apocalyptic catastrophe if you can’t cruise the earthquake ravaged streets in your up armored Fiat 500c, gleefully popping rounds at the inevitable hordes of zombies while sipping a Rob Roy?
Mikey! the comment below was supposed to be a reply to you. Sorry i am so bad at technology!
Oh i agree with you on the liquor thing- your point is well made as usual. PLUS in addition to the fun of shooting zombies while getting hammered during Apocalypse, liquor is a great bartering tool…
but the thing is, keeping a bunch of bottles of D’amalfi lemoncello in your car could get you in trouble, you know cops, breathalizers, three strikes… KI mean I can barely keep a damn granola bar in my car for a week without breaking down and eating it in the moderate traffic I have so far in my Los Angeles Life had to endure. can you imagine what would happen when stuck in real traffic driving back from Anaheim?
LOVE that you have a go girl. I want one so bad. I have the weakest bladder ever and I think I would get plenty of use out of one. Emergency or not. I believe it is 100% necessary to prepare for the zombie apocalypse! I have in my car some spicy trail mix, cheddar bunnies, a couple gallons of water, a tent, rubber boots, cowboy boots, a heavy jacket and a pocket knife. You have made me realize that it needs some work. So I will be adding old t shirts, half a bottle of cheap vodka, possibly a gun (mainly for boredom’s sake), a sweet creepy gas mask to keep people away from me, dog food, and a blanket. I feel like if you are resourceful all of these things will function for the lack of others. This is personal opinion though. I get all giddy at the thought of zombies and having to act like a savage. Bring it on apocalypse!
I could not be prouder of you if you were my own zombie daughter! YOU ARE sooooooooo well prepared!!!! I cannot wait to see you after the apocalypse! My sister bought me the go girl as a gag gift, but I am sure with my long commute I am gonna get plenty of opportunity to use it.
Why thank you!!! I am secretly prepared because I really want it to happen! Then i would have a reason for not wanting to have a job or perform normal person tasks. Let me know how that go girl works! I dare you use it soon!!!